Bonga

It's been 2 years plus since I spoke or visited my mom. I feel guilty and at the same time I don't even feel like visiting. I miss her and at the same time I don't want to see her. She didn't do anything to me but the gap between me and her it too big.

My mom didn't raise me, she left when I was as little as 2yrs old which created the gap. We meet, we talk and I've known her merely through simple interactions. I've never felt the mother-daughter engagement ever since and I always see her as a visitor or a distant relative at times.

When we meet we don't have much to talk about apart from greetings. I bet she doesn't know where I'm now, with whom. Like I've seen mom's so concerned about their children. Especially girls and even more intense when she's the only girl and the last born. Or maybe that's not how it should be. I feel sad, lonely and lost. Not knowing things that maybe I should.

My experience has made me lose interests in any relationships including family and friendships. I feel jealous and envious and beautiful families and cant wait to make one, but still im afraid i might be like my mom and fail. I don't want that though.

I think this has really affected me.

  Published  31st Jul 2021 at 10:20 pm

Same. Sometimes I wish mine died or died cause the silence hurts so much and I know it hurts her too. We have nothing in common and sometimes I think she thinks I hate her.

  Published  1st Aug 2021 at 9:16 pm