So I'm currently in college (3rd year). Some weeks ago, I started feeling so so down and miserable. I am sad and extremely tired all the damn time. I haven't been this tired in my life. Of course I know this connects with the fact that I have so many things to do as a student (ex. my dissertation) but I don't know if its the only thing.

The only way to keep me awake is by consuming way too much caffeine which is not healthy and doesn't help at all with my anxiety.

Recently though, I once again started questioning if I made the right decision to go to college. And I know you're gonna say come onnnn you're almost done with your studies.... yeah but this is the most difficult part and it requires for me to be alright to keep pushing. Ever since I was in my first year I barely had any fun and it was always very difficult to do any of the given assignments. And here I am thinking if I was "pressured" into going to college. It was kind of obvious to my parents that I had to go to college after graduating high school. And I won't blame my parents, okay maybe a 20%... but I can't blame them...I should be grateful right..? They are paying so much for me to get a good education and its like I'm refusing everything given to me... but I can't help but think about it. I don't know what is going.. on I'm very confused recently.

Sometimes I dream of myself just working on a cute cafeteria, making coffee, serving delicious cake and talking to people. Nothing else. I find my self being so happy when I think about this. I don't want the BA's and PhD's. I feel like I care about other things than what our society has told us we need to do...

Some may say that this is disappointing .. or that I just don't want to complicate myself... or that I am lazy..? I don't know anymore