It's Monday, 8:30 am. By now i should be on my way to school but I'm in bed and it feels so right, so comfortable, this is where i belong, not school. I hate that place. I have no friends there, no "real" friends. People who know me there just want to smoke and talk about girls, the lecturers treat you disrespectfully like you're a 21 year old child. I don't talk to anyone there nor do i have any interest in making friends because we're most probably not going to have similar interests or hobbies and I'll get bored and stop communicating, forever. That's what i do, i ghost people, even former friends,, the moment the friendship stops being useful.

I'll get up at 10am and visit my plug for my usual 2 joints of weed. I always tell myself i won't go there but that's a lie. I said I'd quit smoking, another lie.

By 11am I'll be back home. I smoke in the farm behind our house. My sister knows i smoke, she recognizes the smell, but we don't even talk so it's none of her business. She threatened to snitch on me so I'd go to rehab but she doesn't know the things i know about her, if i dared to snitch on her that would be the end of her, but I'm no snitch and so far she's doing a good job minding her business.

After getting high as a kite I'll chill and listen to music for an hour or 2. I'll change clothes so my dad thinks i went to school, and sleep to fast foward time to around 6pm.

We take our supper at 8pm. The table is very silent. Sometimes I'd smoke 2 or 3 puffs before supper just because. I ask my dad a random question about the political nonsense on tv and he gives the most direct, straight to the point answer, then silence again. Nobody asks the other how their day was, no small talk, just the tv talking. I wish my mom was here. Yes, we don't talk much when she's around either but atleast she normally has something to say about an ad she thinks doesn't make sense or a politician or something. I think about calling her but what do i say after hello?

I go to bed at 9 and check my phone for the first time all day. No calls as usual, few whatsapps from friends asking for favors, maybe a girl or 2 i fancy sends a "hey there" and is online but I'm not even excited to talk to them. "I'll reply to these tomorrow" i think, but i wont. I won't even open them. They're bothering me and i just want to sleep.

I have projects past deadline not submitted, i have cats coming up but i don't care. I was really hoping world war 3 kills us all before 2021 so i don't graduate with the lowest honours even though I'm very smart and everbody has high hopes for me. I decide to call my ex to distract myself from these thoughts. She understands me.

She doesn't pick up. Maybe it's because i was such a dick to her. I call my other ex, the friendlier one. She understands me. We talk for a while and she says she has a new boyfriend. My mind remakes all my previous memories and experiences with her but with the face of another dude. Disgusting. I make an obvious excuse that I'm tired and have to sleep. I delete both their numbers and a couple of other numbers i feel we don't have anything in common anymore.

Oh shit its 1am and i have a cat tomorrow?!!?! I haven't even studied. What's the point in doing it if I'm gonna fail anyways? Guess I'm sleeping in tomorrow as well

  Published  8th Jul 2019 at 9:13 am

Hello. I'm the author of this and i requre professional help. I can call or visit wherever you are located, i just need directions, thanks

  Published  8th Jul 2019 at 9:15 am
George - CLMC Psychologist
Hello anonymous. Thank you for commenting, this was courageous of you to share these experiences in your life.
Thank you for expressing interest in seeking help. We are willing to walk with you and help you with these issues.
We are located at Braeside Gardens, House No. 1048 in Lavington. Feel free to walk in any time. We are here for you and hope to see you soon. Alternatively you can call 0733778609 to book an appointment.


  Published  8th Jul 2019 at 11:53 am

You're being selfish. Life has never, n will never revolve around you... So you hate school, education continues until the day you die, you dont have real friends, are you a real friend.

You can't expect to give out negative vibes n get positive vibes... You're above 18, an adult... You are responsible for your life, your decisions, your attitude n your outlook on life. You are responsible n no one else coz everytime you draw breath, you have a choice, a say in what goes.

Seeing what n how you talk about your sister is pathetic... N you wonder you complain all the time. You make poor choices just like everyone else but you're being narcissistic about it. Its like you enjoy the thrill of watching people squirm and blackmail to you sounds like a game. Be careful if the games you play coz one day, you'll be the only one left on the chessboard n trust me, ...... Any game where you play alone, there's no fun

  Published  10th Jul 2019 at 12:46 am

Nice to see you have an opinion mr Life coach. I didn't ask for it though, feel free to shove it up your urethra and enjoy a buffet of dicks while you're at it.

I came seeking help, not your opinion. Fuck off mate

  Published  10th Jul 2019 at 8:56 am

In my opinion there's nothing wrong with you. There's everything wrong with society. But still, you are society too. Be the "bigger person". Also don't be hard on yourself, don't punish yourself for other people's mistakes, don't be a victim of other people's bad choices. Only you can change your life. I'd advise you to find something you love doing, maybe you have a talent, build it. You can quit school, you don't have to make everyone understand why. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHERE YOU ARE, CHANGE YOU ARE NOT A TREE.

  Published  15th Jul 2019 at 7:39 pm