I feel like I've missed out on so much in life despite being only 23. I'm not social so don't have any friends and feel that I've missed out on those bonds people form when growing up. I'm in campus 3rd year , hate it there coz I don't really have any friends. I try sometimes talking to people but unaona tu wanakudharau . Najua we all have our own journeys but mine feels so lonely, no memories from 15-23. I wish that if one day I get a boy he will never have to have low self-esteem. I always feel inadequate. The people I enjoy talking to are people way older than me where we can talk about politics, life...etc when it comes to people my own age I struggle since those things are boring to them especially girls. Really sucks but we all have our struggles
I feel heavy all the time. I have a bad reputation of being immoral. I want a new life but its difficult since everyone around me just knows me as that. I can't leave and start a new life because I like them alot. I feel what's the need of changing if people still think of me in a certain way. I can't be trusted. It sucks and hurts alooot. So sometimes I feel then I just dive deeper in my addictions. But again I hate it. How do I convince people I've changed.
Sometimes it makes me feel sucidal and I hate it more coz I don't want to do it and hurt the people around me. That's the only reason.
Sometimes I wish no one cared so I could just do it anyway and dissapear forever.
Do I have a chance to redeem my name?
My best friend always gets close to the people I really like or date/dated. He always gets a way to communicate with them like on social media and such. The people I like, date or dates also get close to him. I, on the other hand, never get close to his ex's or the people he likes coz I find it crossing the boundaries. His behaviour makes me feel bad and over think what they say or do behind my back. I have told him how I feel before and he is well aware. Is this feeling normal? Am I over reacting? How do I deal with this? I don't want to loose the friendship but his behaviour sometimes makes me mad at him coz it's a repeat pattern for a long time.