Bonga

I am finding it hard to stop masturbation and a weed addiction. Masturbation gives me a feeling of guilt and the weed helps me get over it. My sexual health is deteriorating and I am getting concerned but on one side am struggling with a 10-year addiction, the other side gives me a short term solution. Practically I wanna stop masturbation.

I just want to be loved. I really want a relationship but guys I meet aren't interested in me. I'm 27 but people sometimes think am 18. It's cute I guess but am tired of being someone's little sis , I keep showing my ID to prove my age. I really want a man in my life.

I have no friends, it's hard to keep friends. I was a loner most of my life. But I've pushed myself to be more active and interact with people.

I really want a child , sometimes I feel maybe I should just sleep with any guy and be a single mom.

Recently stress has been getting the best of me and I was never like this. I have difficulty breathing and once I get into this headspace I get some pretty awful thoughts and I cannot come out easily. It is something so new and I am extremely scared of when it happens. Every time I stress I literally shut down I cannot even move my hands and my whole body freezes - literally, I get cold. I don't know what to do.. anyone has any advice? Why did this suddenly start now since I was never like this? I am terrified you guys

I think the hardest part is waiting , then understanding why ....... its a battle in my head a lot of the time

I met this girl a while back. We started off as friends but I made it clear I was looking for a long term relationship (marriage). She was also looking to settle too so we've been seeing each other since then.

Problem is that she doesn't love me back as I do. I feel like I do most of the initiation. She has admitted that it hasn't come naturally for her. I sometimes can't help but wonder 🤔......should I still keep pushing or just break away coz frankly it's getting tiring 😒

I mean, she too wants to get married someday but when I want us to discuss about our relationship and love she isn't ready to put in the work. She keeps telling me it will happen naturally but we are now getting to our 2nd year and she isn't willing to commit.

Sigh.....what do I do?

So I'm currently in college (3rd year). Some weeks ago, I started feeling so so down and miserable. I am sad and extremely tired all the damn time. I haven't been this tired in my life. Of course I know this connects with the fact that I have so many things to do as a student (ex. my dissertation) but I don't know if its the only thing.

The only way to keep me awake is by consuming way too much caffeine which is not healthy and doesn't help at all with my anxiety.

Recently though, I once again started questioning if I made the right decision to go to college. And I know you're gonna say come onnnn you're almost done with your studies.... yeah but this is the most difficult part and it requires for me to be alright to keep pushing. Ever since I was in my first year I barely had any fun and it was always very difficult to do any of the given assignments. And here I am thinking if I was "pressured" into going to college. It was kind of obvious to my parents that I had to go to college after graduating high school. And I won't blame my parents, okay maybe a 20%... but I can't blame them...I should be grateful right..? They are paying so much for me to get a good education and its like I'm refusing everything given to me... but I can't help but think about it. I don't know what is going.. on I'm very confused recently.

Sometimes I dream of myself just working on a cute cafeteria, making coffee, serving delicious cake and talking to people. Nothing else. I find my self being so happy when I think about this. I don't want the BA's and PhD's. I feel like I care about other things than what our society has told us we need to do...

Some may say that this is disappointing .. or that I just don't want to complicate myself... or that I am lazy..? I don't know anymore

There’s a day I dream of

a feeling that I’m to experience

what must it be like when someone puts all the cards on the table

the funniest thing, I don’t know if I’ll ever know what that feeling would feel like, because I clearly understand

most of the time I’m okay with being alone, it’s just that 10% that leaves me feeling like this

Got a good job , good career path , I guess I’ll work on becoming a god it seems like the only thing I know I can achieve in life

I feel soo lonely it's painful. It actually feels crippling. I have never had like a real best friend. One who I feel no judgement from who I run to with my problems. Never been anyone's number one. Always picked last. Always overlooked and easily forgotten. So it's no surprise I am depressed. I am soo desperate for love it's pathetic. I can usually handle my sad episodes but today is heavy. I just don't wanna live anymore. I'm not suicidal. I just wish I could have like an accident and die. Because I can't do it anymore. I act like I'm fine to save face. But I am soo not okay. Please help. I don't feel worthy of love because I have never been loved unconditionally.

5 years ago I was talking to someone. This lasted about 6 months ,we never did or had anything but we both knew we weren't friends lol. Long story short one day he exited my life out of the blue by saying that I shouldn't be "messing" (talking) with him because it wasn't gonna end up good. I still don't know what that means by the way. (if you can decode this pls let me know as well). Now that I think about it he was probably looking for a reason to leave.. Anyways I still think about him A LOT. To the point where it feels like an obsession and it's definitely not healthy. Some days he's all I'm thinking about his thought literally drains me.

Has anything similar happened to you? Or should I be worried about my (occasional) obsession over him?

I struggle with anxiety. I worry alot and don't know how to switch the worrying off. It hurts that I can't be normal. All this anxiety makes me lose my appetite and get acidity. It's caused me to lose so much weight and peace of mind. I feel like running away from reality but I don't know where to go.