Greetings. What Counselling Centres are available in Nairobi that are highly recommended.
In all honesty, I’m not even too sure how this works but I’ll do it all the same. So I’m 23 years old. I remember the first time I got to interact with depression or what honestly looks and feels like depression was in form 2. I think I was about 16 years old. But I never really gave it much thought though looking at it right now, the lack of getting out of bed and not eating for nearly 3 months.. that was quite something. After that period I decided to focus on school and we can say the storm did calm down. Fast forward to 2015 - 2016 when all hell broke loose and it’s been the same pretty much. So I joined campus and you know how when you’re a first year, it’s your first taste of freedom. Anyway, my friends would go out on Fridays and I would join them but I remember after that, it would be pure chaos at home. My dad being a pastor and mum being such a strong individual in the church ( plus I should add, they never went out) they always thought that by virtue of going out, I was going to sell my body to men and generally be a prostitute. Heck, I remember my mum name-calling me and them refusing to as much as give me transport money to go to school. On top of my problems at home, I was with a toxic boyfriend and all this took a toll on me. I honestly feel like 2016 traumatised me, coz that is what triggered my full on (again, let me call it) depression. I remember not eating for days on end, staying in bed the whole day and losing so much weight ( 68 all the way down to 56 kgs) I was also in constant fear and anxiety when I was at home. I begged my parents to allow me to move out coz that would mean, getting out of the toxic environment at home, leaving my then- toxic boyfriend who was a neighbour and leaving behind my friends who were conveniently available to go out and drink every time I felt sad and depressed, this was like everyday since I needed an escape from reality. They refused time and again until last year. My school work took a dent and it’s frustrating to know that if I took time to take care of my mental health, I would have graduated this year. Anyway, I got depressed and when I finally decided to start counselling, my mum would always discourage me saying that ‘the counsellor would only want my money or how it’s not going to help me’ Anyway, I finally moved out and my mental health really improved. I was happy. I thrived at school, I wasn’t near my ex and honestly, I wasn’t at home. And yes, there are times my mum would say hurtful things but I swept it all under the carpet and went to my place. I was at peace. Fast forward to October when my mum and I had such a heated argument, I think I was just done with sweeping things under the carpet. I decided not to come home for 3 weeks as I felt so unwanted and because of that, my dad forced me to come back home. I am currently suicidal, depressed, anxious ( I just had my very first panic attack last weekend but I went to the hospital) and I’m always afraid and sad. I keep on thinking of how I want to just end my life and end my pain. I have tried to commit suicide twice between October and now. Deep in my heart, I need to break this cycle. I have been thinking of moving in with my current boyfriend but something keeps me at home. I don’t know if this is honestly depression or some form of ptsd or idk what mental disorder but I know for a fact that I need help and I need it soon before things get out of had. I don’t know if parents can cause depression or can trigger it. I also don’t know how to go about it. If you can help me, I’m very much willing and ready because I am literally at the basement of rock bottom.
My mental health issues was brought about by repeated ganging up and "put me down" syndrome at the work place. As a youth getting out of my early thirties and raising a family of two boys and expecting a girl in January 2020, my current financial health just makes everything harder. I have suffered two major incidences of depression (in 2016 and most recently in 2019) that almost cost me everything. In 2019, I had all my targets planned; for instance, I was to complete my postgraduate degree by December, I had to concentrate at the job where my workload had been doubled, and in the evening, go home to a non-trusting spouse (We have since made peace with the spouse). When these two incidences of depression occured, not even my relatives understood what mess I had got into. All they said was that I need to man-up and soldier on. I did heed to some of the advice from everyone but unfortunately all the energy I had was instantly drained from me in September when colleagues at work ganged up and made me look extremely bad to the management of the company.
What gives me hope nowadays to work harder is the beautiful smiles of my family when they see me get back home from work. I also commenced psychiatric sessions a while back but the cost is extremely out of reach and I had to stop since priority is to put food on the table for my young family and plan for the birth of my daughter in January 2020. With a dismal credit rating by banks, my current worry is how the CS to deliver my third born will end up since advice from the doctor is that the birth will have to be through CS since the 2nd born was also born through a CS.
In all of this, I believe that the Almighty God Shall be on my side.
I think depression is something personal for each person. It isn't similar in any case. The worst part would have to be how everyone thinks what you're going through isn't enough to have you go through depression. For me, I could barely sleep at times. Other times I overslept. This time I want people around me. To notice and believe and love. Other times I want to see nobody around me. Feeling as if everyone was against me and my well being. I have a dream to get into the media industry. To do something for those who have mental health issues. I want to help as many people as possible through their mental issues. I know how it feels to drag a blade across your skin as a resort cause you can't love yourself. I want to get a platform where I give people a chance to love. Regardless of their social class, societal norms or age. I think my greatest role models are Ellen DeGeneres and Tracy Wanjiru. One because she lives her best life fulfilling her purpose despite being a lesbian and another because she was a ghetto girl like me. I believe we can all be happy. However, we need to hold each other. Fix each other's crowns. Believe in each other. Now that I'm done with form four this year, I will talk about mental health and keep being loud about the things I believe in.
Website admin must analyse when most posts are made. Is it after the weekend, during the weekend, or before. That may help understand the impact of mihadarati on depressive feelings and mental health.