Bonga

Atimes life can be overwhelming.where can one call for free and talk to a counselor

there are people who look at me and say this is the guy has a nice life, he's dating the hottest guy, he has a job, you always seem happy

what they don't know is that I'm sad 80% of the time

looks aren't anything,i just mastered the art of looking good while just an empty shell the only person who sees the raw me is my boyfriend and he's equally a hot mess

lol what you can't see behind curtains

You ever have that tension between the razor and your skin. You just sitting there and the skin begs for it. My self harm started as a distraction for whatever was happening up there. Nowadays I just find the smallest inconvenience sending me toy surgical kit and making art on my skin. My family knows I have scars but when I got out I put long sleeve. I hate people staring at me.....

In 2017 I was in the pits

In 2018 I broke down in CBD and called befrienders cause that day I decided to kill myself

In 2019 I had three suicide attempts last one seeing me hospitalised

It's 2021 I still feel the same and wonder when does it get better?

I don't know what I feel anymore. Life has caught up too fast and everyone I know has progressed. I am still trying to figure out my purpose here. Thoughts of suicide come every day and I no longer fear them. I used to self harm (burn and cut) still do but not as much as I did back then. I try to stay positive for my family but sometimes it's hard. I know they think I'm a failure. I just want to disappear.

I was in a relationship with some guy last year,, i didn't know he was married coz he kept denying.. Throughout our relationship guy used to ask for cash and i could give it to him but i made it clear ni loan anirudishie,, now its my turn i need the money back and each time i ask for it ananiambia niko na madharau... Nb,, i ended the relationship 7 months ago but its been almost a year pesa zangu hajawai rudisha and he is working.. I feel confused don't know what to do.

June and July happened to be the two months that sent me straight to depression. I've been under constant pain and pressure to the point that I've distanced myself from everyone. Fuelled by the fact that I broke up with my boyfriend, then the unemployment, unsupportive friends. Can't remember the last time I slept, I hardly sleep. Because of this I'm grumpy and I'm losing weight coz I hardly eat. It's hard, life's really hard and am suffering

I lost my job suddenly...and that made my girlfriend that we have a kid with changed and she left afterwards with lots of insults..that is really disturbing me

It's been 2 years plus since I spoke or visited my mom. I feel guilty and at the same time I don't even feel like visiting. I miss her and at the same time I don't want to see her. She didn't do anything to me but the gap between me and her it too big.

My mom didn't raise me, she left when I was as little as 2yrs old which created the gap. We meet, we talk and I've known her merely through simple interactions. I've never felt the mother-daughter engagement ever since and I always see her as a visitor or a distant relative at times.

When we meet we don't have much to talk about apart from greetings. I bet she doesn't know where I'm now, with whom. Like I've seen mom's so concerned about their children. Especially girls and even more intense when she's the only girl and the last born. Or maybe that's not how it should be. I feel sad, lonely and lost. Not knowing things that maybe I should.

My experience has made me lose interests in any relationships including family and friendships. I feel jealous and envious and beautiful families and cant wait to make one, but still im afraid i might be like my mom and fail. I don't want that though.

I think this has really affected me.