Bonga

I struggle with concetration, cant pay attention for long and always preffer times alone. What could this be?

It all started with my grandma passing away, she was everything to me. I lost my first love,my bestfriend and my biggest fun in her. I was messed up, cried myself to sleep while no one noticed( at 12 years).

My grandma was the first person I knew loved me for real, after her death I had to move in with my parents and my emotions were all over the place. They fought a lot and I remember wishing I dint exist because I was bullied at my new school and at home my parents kept fighting. I distance myself from everyone, I dint tell anyone my emotions and I yearned for the holidays to go see my grandpa because it gave me peace. Then grandpa remarried and our relationship got destroyed by the new wife, back at home I faced the pain of comparison in terms of beauty( it's common for dark skin ladies I guess). So I have selflove issues, insecurities, selfesteem issues. I have suicidal thoughts all the time, I hate being around people and I have random mood swings. I'm 22 right now but I have never dated due to fears. My normal days involve waking up and crying for no reason, feeling like everything is against me and college has been my worst journey so far due to my anti social behaviour. I sometimes wake up and decide to ghost everyone like switch my phone off and lock myself up. I no longer eat and I'm always worried, I overthink and I feel so unloved. I do not know why all this bitterness keeps pilling up, I just I want to be normal you know Have friends and live but I feel so suffocated by a million emotions. I told my mom I think I have depression and shes was like 'are you raising any family'. I desperately want to give my feelings a voice but I have no one one to listen, I guess that's why I'm here trying to share what I can. I just want to stop feeling hopeless and give life a trial, but why do I fall everytime I try. IM TIRED.

I have on occasion been thinking that my absence would be the solution to the turmoil I seem to be in. It seems like the answer to my parents not seeing a 'failed' individual they have educated. That they and many others will be OK, move on and forget me quickly. It hurts, may not seem right and they may not get it..but it beckons.

Yes, it's possible to defeat masturbation, without having to go into sex itself. It's been a number of months now, and I'm confident that I have conquered that bondage. I'm just here to encourage someone.One of the books that helped me is 'Finally Free'

I have a challenge and I am struggling. Last year my salary was not coming in steadily but I was able to save just enough for the holiday. So we share financial responsibility for the Christmas holiday and our tradition is we get each other gifts and for our son. But I was the only one doing the gifting. I was saving up for a laptop he borrowed me the cash promised to buy me one in before December. We are in January. I paid for all back to school stuff, I've fixed my car paid the rent and he can afford to go drink. Let me not start with how my house help did not come back and I did all the housework. Then he comes home drunk insisting on sex- give to Ceaser what belongs to Ceaser. yet he can't help drop the child to school he would rather sit and finish his movie. To top it off, I wanted to go to the church I was raised and he had the audacity to tell me I moved away from my mother so even church I must go where he goes. I'm not Catholic. Got nothing against it it's just not my church. I can't go to the bar or club alone he keeps telling me of how his aunt got aids. I am just going to dit drink a soda. My heart is low. This is emotional abuse and I don't know how to deal.

Having a rough time with my girlfriend who happens to be my baby mama. Am in the brink of giving up but am holding on because of my son 😥😥😥

I have been struggling with addiction to ponography. It has damaged me in my relationship and I really want to stop. I need professional help and guidance to stop this addiction please

Today I just got diagnosed with severe anxiety. I walked in the drs room thinking All i had was a chest (heavy heart palpitations) throat or blood infection only to be told I don’t have any infection apart from the fears paranoias and anxieties in my head huh! What a day. So I’m on antidepressants and I’m to see a psychotherapist on Monday by drs orders. Im to report back to work on Monday to. So that’s my Friday. Fuckin life eh. Don’t even know who tell this to apart from an app online. Shit life this is

Had a serious argument with my girlfriend and ended up pushing her. I'm just wondering if this is a sign that I'm a violent person or I have internal issues that I need to handle