Bonga

Life is what we make it. Some moments however are inescapable. I have been watching peaky blinders and I realise how people assume that the strong are just strong....you know, as if they do not have breaking, devastating low moments. Sometimes, it's because we don't have a choice .... it's you are strong or strong....one thing I have realised from this however is that it kills the inner human person....it starts to feel like there is no validation of your emotions. Anywho, it's life and staying strong is the only option here ....cry in the blankets at night, wake up in the morning and keep going...coz honestly, I don't think that anyone cares! I'm kinda damaged though😂😂😂 don't take my words for them. Just typing it out😩

I am Soo bored in marriage. Whenever I share my feeling with my husband he says I am nagging. I don't know of a better way of saying it without nagging. I feel emotionally distanced.

I also suggest of things to spice things up but he ignores every bit. He says he will look at it and hio story inaishia hapo.

I keep my feelings to myself but that makes me sad. I workout and drink a lot to escape my feelings but sometimes they overwhelme me.

I think I have no life and I'm bored, each day is a waking pain if you ask me

right now I should leave him the f alone

but it's a distraction I need not want otherwise am left to my devices

I think about death way too much

is the afterlife real or not

does your guilt condemn you to hell

do people really talk to the almighty

if I'm gay will I go to the Christian hell

will I ever have a life that makes me happy

keep positive, it's all about change

what future awaits me

I think of being hit by a car at times then I can argue it was the driver in the afterlife

I USED TO dig being lonely now I don't want it anymore

I desire to breathe life in my lungs

and i know i found find help yet i keep coming back

must be a fool of the decade because this is insanity

I was thinking of calling it quits-our marriage of two years with two kids but on second thought I think my wife has got serious metal issues which she has been suppressing for years. She opened up to me yesterday that she is a rape victim and that's how she got our first kid. I know she needs professional help which she thinks she doesn't. I also need help on how to cope up with her. Lately we have been having incessant quarrels .She is also very insecure,manipulative, controlling, nagging and very temperamental. Anajaribu kunipimia maisha. She even wants to choose friends for me.

Tulijuana about 8 years ago though we were on and off. During one of the off moments ndio alikuwa raped. She also keeps bring up my past like how I cheated on her with multiple women yet were not even married then. I was in other relationships when were not together but since we got married I have never been intimate with any other woman apart from her which she refuses to accept. Whenever I get home late hata kama ni na 10 min she will claim I was still at my whores place. Mimi 7pm haijawai nipata nje na weekends tuko na yeye kwa nyumba always simu ni kabambe no whatsapp yet she keeps calling me malaya. She also blames me for all her misfortunes including the rape, a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy which was detected a week on her arrival in these gulf country for a job(this period was hell for the both of us she almost died there and stress almost killed me on this other side). She is very quick to claim she will kill herself which is my biggest scare because I cant count the number of times she has said this. Yesterday we had grotesque physical confrontation and she wielded a knight and I had to restrain her because I can never fight a woman. I just need help with the situation since there is just so much happening and it also very energy draining confusing stressful

Did a rebound hangout make the process of moving on from a breakup easier for you, or did you end up feeling more empty afterwards?

I feel like am a reasonably ambitious person but i always seem to find a way to let myself down. I break promises made to self and find it difficult to even commit to my to-do lists. I promised myself that i wouldn't get drunk every weekend and even diarized it, but every Friday, a certain alarm bell goes off in my system and i end up at square zero. I also have social awkwardness and confidence issues and i have struggled with these since i was a kid. Imagine a whole adult like me doesn't have the confidence and self belief to even drive a car or approach a girl at a social setting. I need some help when it comes to discipline and commitment to my goals; and my confidence issues, please!

I'm in love with a married guy. He claims he loves me but it doesn't show.

I met someone, I thought he'd be reasonable turns out he was as bad as the girls

I waking each night, I pace like a ghost, the room's on fire invisible smoke

and all my fears seat with me,

loneliness, sadness, emptiness, all my favourite friends

seeking for meaning in life , like if you know what f we are supposed to do/be reply here

I lost my job, separated from my wife and she took my girls and my dog died. Literally have to talk myself off the edge several times a day every day. The self loathing is so real that I can't tell if I ever liked myself.... sometimes I just break down and cry my eyes out then feel even more like sh*t because what has that done to alleviate my problems? Plus of course as a broke and broken man I'm not really a man, am I? This just really f**king sucks