Bonga

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 2017 got treatment but could not keep up due to cost... It became worse, have been suicidal and went back afew weeks ago to see my therapist, am back on treatment... My fear and which worsens everything is AM NOT NORMAL, i fear making mistakes, being looked at or corrected... But am working on it. I fear literaly everything and worry about everything.

I'm 25 and owns a business in the cbd. I got depressed in 2016 till date and from what I know its only worsening. I don't have financial problems as such and my relationship is also going well. I think a lot and I'm always worried that one day I'm gonna go crazy... I've not felt like myself in a very long time. What could be going on with me?

I need help am so depressed it's like my mind has shut down. Am aged 49 years old was married for 10 years but we separated after I realised that I was bringing up a kid that was not mine. It's been 6 years since we separated am so lonely and depressed. Am always feeling sad,always quiet even with friends, getting sleep at night is a problem, concentrating is also a problem. Someone please help me I feel rejected.

I just feel broken in a way. I'm a 23 year old guy. My once very beautiful relationship is a deep mess .My gf wants to leave for another country. If you don't mind being a good friend roughly the same age and a female I'd really appreciate. I'm a mess since I also masturbate. I hope you'll be a good open friend too.i just need a good friend who isn't shy to hold me up.

I need help. I'm in love with a girl who is in a complicated relationship so she says and has anxiety disorder. We've been talking for a year on texts on and off and we just met each other in person about 2 months ago. Gone on 2 dates with her. She's really interesting to me and we really get on along and have the most bomb conversations. Problem is she suffers from anxiety so sometimes she'll ghost for a while despite me and calling and texting and she'd blame it on the anxiety and being very busy. Of late it's been really hard to talk to her on texts coz she'd just ignore my texts and ghost for a while, I'd wait for a day or two to hit her up so that we can talk or occasionally call her. I occasionally arrange for dates or just meeting up and she'd agree and be excited but on the day of meeting up, I'll call her an hour before the agreed meet up time and she'd cancel with an excuse or just not pick up my calls or respond to my texts. Is she really interested in me or is she just using her anxiety(no offence) as an excuse for ghosting. I have asked her about her complicated relationship a few times but she wouldn't open up. But i can tell she isn't happy about it coz they constantly fight and she gets deep in her thoughts. It's not that i want an immediate relationship with her despite me having feelings, I just want us to be the tightest of friends which might eventually lead to a relationship. I'm just from pulling myself out of a depressive phase half a year ago because my ex-girlfriend left me for someone else and that really hurt. I'm since healed my mental health and I don't want to go back there again in that mental state I was in. I'm trying to keep it together but I'm fighting a losing battle everyday coz of this current girl. PLEASE HELP.

Have we become so self centered and inconsiderate that if you can't care about me then i won't care about you. Tit for Tat has never n never will be fair game. People walking around with masks, expecting life to be fair.. Well f* this shit life never is or will be fair. We keep blaming our parents and government yet fail to take responsibility for our own actions.. I'm pissed then there's suicide now not..

i need help with my social life, i am high up on the offense when i feel under attack. i have anger issues i have never know kindness or being sensitive to other people. i am beginning to think that it is because with my father being always verbally abusive sometimes physically on my mom and sisters made me live life as a survivor . then i realise some people are soo different, they need a calm conversation but in an argument or accusation, i get very angry, mindless talking and rude i end up hurting the people that once helped me when i had difficulties. i am 27 and i am afraid because of the way i am i cannot make friends and i hurt people and it could get worse. i also feel like i lost all the little joy, kindness and happiness when i lost my niece to suicide in 2017. she was my everything, with her , my life was complete i did not need anyone else and my world fell apart when i lost her.i have never been able to grief and really move on since i was eager to see her off to college and be there for her as she grew into an amazing person. she was the light to my soul and now its just darkness i felt depressed and worthless and now my social life is a big mess and the fact that it hurts people i care about hurts me.

I'm 28 year old male with a master's degree, however, jobless, live with my mother, & can't contribute any help to the family. My relationship with my mother has deteriorated because it's very hard for me to live with at home (Previously I lived by myself). My siblings are doing well, however we don't talk much. My father is emotionally absent. My mother is always angry & talking / treating me like a 15 year old.

I've contemplated ending it once & for all.

It's Monday, 8:30 am. By now i should be on my way to school but I'm in bed and it feels so right, so comfortable, this is where i belong, not school. I hate that place. I have no friends there, no "real" friends. People who know me there just want to smoke and talk about girls, the lecturers treat you disrespectfully like you're a 21 year old child. I don't talk to anyone there nor do i have any interest in making friends because we're most probably not going to have similar interests or hobbies and I'll get bored and stop communicating, forever. That's what i do, i ghost people, even former friends,, the moment the friendship stops being useful.

I'll get up at 10am and visit my plug for my usual 2 joints of weed. I always tell myself i won't go there but that's a lie. I said I'd quit smoking, another lie.

By 11am I'll be back home. I smoke in the farm behind our house. My sister knows i smoke, she recognizes the smell, but we don't even talk so it's none of her business. She threatened to snitch on me so I'd go to rehab but she doesn't know the things i know about her, if i dared to snitch on her that would be the end of her, but I'm no snitch and so far she's doing a good job minding her business.

After getting high as a kite I'll chill and listen to music for an hour or 2. I'll change clothes so my dad thinks i went to school, and sleep to fast foward time to around 6pm.

We take our supper at 8pm. The table is very silent. Sometimes I'd smoke 2 or 3 puffs before supper just because. I ask my dad a random question about the political nonsense on tv and he gives the most direct, straight to the point answer, then silence again. Nobody asks the other how their day was, no small talk, just the tv talking. I wish my mom was here. Yes, we don't talk much when she's around either but atleast she normally has something to say about an ad she thinks doesn't make sense or a politician or something. I think about calling her but what do i say after hello?

I go to bed at 9 and check my phone for the first time all day. No calls as usual, few whatsapps from friends asking for favors, maybe a girl or 2 i fancy sends a "hey there" and is online but I'm not even excited to talk to them. "I'll reply to these tomorrow" i think, but i wont. I won't even open them. They're bothering me and i just want to sleep.

I have projects past deadline not submitted, i have cats coming up but i don't care. I was really hoping world war 3 kills us all before 2021 so i don't graduate with the lowest honours even though I'm very smart and everbody has high hopes for me. I decide to call my ex to distract myself from these thoughts. She understands me.

She doesn't pick up. Maybe it's because i was such a dick to her. I call my other ex, the friendlier one. She understands me. We talk for a while and she says she has a new boyfriend. My mind remakes all my previous memories and experiences with her but with the face of another dude. Disgusting. I make an obvious excuse that I'm tired and have to sleep. I delete both their numbers and a couple of other numbers i feel we don't have anything in common anymore.

Oh shit its 1am and i have a cat tomorrow?!!?! I haven't even studied. What's the point in doing it if I'm gonna fail anyways? Guess I'm sleeping in tomorrow as well