Bonga

 I think when it comes to making bad
decisions I’m an expert in that field. I have made so many bad decisions in the
past that render me so depressed and regretful. 1st made the wrong course
selection when joining campus, I disagreed with my parents just coz I didn’t
want to follow their career path, but trust you me, the stress of not doing
that course weighs on me daily. I believe I ended up doing the course my life
would be now on a very different wave.  

2nd I have been in a very toxic relationship,
friends and family in the past have warned me to try my best and leave before
is too late, but stupid me I continued to stay there, I have received a lot of
chances to leave but stupid me I always make the wrong decisions and go back
ending up regretting, and now we have a kid, just when I was on my way out
finally.  

Struggling financially so my mind is
filled with the stress of all the bad decisions I have made in the past, I
believe if I left earlier I would be happy and if I made all the right
decisions. I used to be that guy filled with life, nowadays I’m that guy who rather
locks himself in my room thinking about my bad mistakes, rather than interacts
or live life like the guys my age, I fear my constant suicidal thoughts, I shocked
myself recently when I did google the least painful manner to commit suicide. I
know one should not look back at the past, but whatever is going on right now
makes me regret the bad decisions I made earlier on.  

What if I did the right course would
I be struggling this much financially, for close to 5 years just living hand to
mouth who lives with relatives coz affording rent and upkeep seems to be a big
tussle. What if I left that toxic relationship (a kid is a blessing) but would
I be this unhappy just by thinking that I will be tied to her the rest of my
life, and the only solution at times I find it sensible the thought of
disappearing forever.   

I just pray God to help me out of all this. 

I lost my job more than 7 months ago and it has reached an extent that the family to me not supportive 

I have struggled with masturbation for a very long time now.I know it looks funny but this thing is a cancer.I have tried praying,but I stop for a little while then I relapse.I get thoughts of self worthlessness a lot and how hypocrtical I am.I also struggle with self injury because when this thoughts come,there is no other better outlet than cutting myself and bleeding the pain out.I have self esteem issues.I feel like I don't belong to this world anymore.I struggle socially a lot.I always find means to destroy a friendship when I notice we are getting close because I always know and believe that I dont add any value to anyone's life at all.This is among the many other things I struggle with.I have attempted suicide by cutting my wrists very very deeply and wanting to bleed to death and then standing on a window to jump from the second floor.So today I woke up with suicidal thoughts and when  I wanted to pray,I asked myself why would a hypocritical person such as me,pray.I may not even see the end of today.I hope I do.If I don't and the news are broadcasted,tell my parents I loved them but they could have done alot more than providing for basic needs for me.It took a lot of courage to write this while crying.I know I will overcome.

Hello Bonga? First of all i want to congratulate you for what you are doing for many Kenyans, encouraging then and lifting them.

I kindly need your advice, i have  reached to a point that i can take it no more. I feel so depressed. There is this lady i once loved, she is from our church, at times there could be disagreement between us but we always found ways to resolve our issues. Then comes this one time when we got disagreement. Then decided to give each other little space, it happened so. but then she went and fell in love with another man.

when i investigated, she did that before our separation. She confessed that, and told me she still loves me, and i forgave her. She has fought that we be together. But the truth is my love for her never exist anymore, i no longer see her as i used to. But then we one time made a mistake of staying together under one roof in order  for me not to be much hurt, because it really heated my feelings, she got pregnant in the process for me. We only had sex not out of love but i did it out of desperation and stress. To her everything is ok and working but to me nothing is working. i want to separate without hurting her.

But the responsibility i'll take for the baby. i have at times thought to take myself out of this relationship by either even doing away with my life. but i dont know what to do. i dont know how to walk out peacefully.I feel we are only wasting time in our relationship coz nothing is working. I feel i have messed up my life so much.i want to take another turn with no lady, not until am ready.  ikindly advice me on what to do.

Kind Regards,
Mark Emmanuel
(Student) 

Hello Bonga? First of all i want to congratulate you for what you are doing for many Kenyans, encouraging then and lifting them.

I kindly need your advice, i have  reached to a point that i can take it no more. I feel so depressed. There is this lady i once loved, she is from our church, at times there could be disagreement between us but we always found ways to resolve our issues. Then comes this one time when we got disagreement. Then decided to give each other little space, it happened so. but then she went and fell in love with another man.

when i investigated, she did that before our separation. She confessed that, and told me she still loves me, and i forgave her. She has fought that we be together. But the truth is my love for her never exist anymore, i no longer see her as i used to. But then we one time made a mistake of staying together under one roof in order  for me not to be much hurt, because it really heated my feelings, she got pregnant in the process for me. We only had sex not out of love but i did it out of desperation and stress. To her everything is ok and working but to me nothing is working. i want to separate without hurting her.

But the responsibility i'll take for the baby. i have at times thought to take myself out of this relationship by either even doing away with my life. but i dont know what to do. i dont know how to walk out peacefully.I feel we are only wasting time in our relationship coz nothing is working. I feel i have messed up my life so much.i want to take another turn with no lady, not until am ready.  ikindly advice me on what to do.

Kind Regards,
Mark Emmanuel
(Student) 

Hi,

I think I have lost faith in our Kenyan society, when I look around all I see is evil, corruption, tribalism and selfishness which is slowly killing my spirit to live. I lived a very normal life untill  2017 when I lost my job, my wife walked away, 2 of my business went down and right now I can't even see my kid because I can't provide for them. I have really been trying to get back by looking for jobs/opportunities (I am experienced with very good credential and attitude) but I think the evil am experiencing ( especially tribalism and favoritism) is really pulling me to the point of destruction. Initially I tried to just move on to the next opportunity but of late the favoritism has became shameless and open. Suprisingly my family members are going through the same and they are very good and honest individuals who deserve better. 

I really need help before I totally give up or in start hating some groups of Kenyans through stereotyping.

Hi, so i recently just got out of a 5year relationship. My girl just up and left and it has been some really tough 4 months but my family has been there for though i cant help but feel this emptyness.

I feel like my life is one calamity after another waiting to happen. I am constantly thinking of bad things that will happen in my life.I am constantly stressed even my the bad things that occur in my life. I constantly think i am a failure to myself and to the world. I compare myself to others and thing may be there is something wrong with my life. I live in constant fear of loosing my job, getting sick, having disapppointed my parents and doing bad things to others..i sometimes have suicidal thoughts of wanting to end this misery

Hello i have always had this feling like i don't belong.Mostly i stay in my own circle.