Well, I guess sometimes it is important to tell your truth even if it's to random stranger's on the Internet.  To be honest, I do not even know if what I'm going through is depression, or maybe I am just at a point in my life where I no longer have the energy to do anything. Including breathing. The last couple of months have been a blur for me, I honestly believe my soul is dead and this shell of a body that I am working with is slowly decaying and my brain can no longer handle the pain. On the outside, my friends know me as a happy person, on the inside I am in a battle on ways to kill my decaying body because thats how it feels. I honestly do not have a reason for not being able to get out of bed most days or having to cry myself to sleep every night, all I know is that I want it to end. In any way possible even if it means I have to die. 

4 replies

What you are going through to my opinion is majorly symptoms of depression and having sad feelings.All i can say is thoughts of taking your own life is never a solution to anything. But what i can recommend is separating yourself from people who make you feel bad about yourself and if that isn't possible just don't talk to them.Share your feelings with someone you feel deep inside that you can trust.

I feel like I am then one who wrote this. Positive vibes to you my friend.

To be honest, thoughts of taking my own life are not like a cruel or sad thing to do to myself. It honestly feels like a more humane way to end the pain. I cannot reconcile the fact that you say it is not a solution to all this. It feels like the easiest way out of all this as any other feels way too difficult for me.

Hi. Sometimes what plagues us is biopsychosocialspiritual - it has to do with our biology, psychology, social, and spiritual aspects. But what you describe is typical anhedonia, lack of pleasure in anything, it is usually caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. If we can treat any other parts of our bodies when we get sick, why not the brain? Seek medical attention from a psychiatrist, they will prescribe something that will bring back the levels to normal, and that way you will feel much better, and the suicidal ideations will dissipate. I know going to a psychiatrist is stigmatized, but look around you, your support system, and get someone who will walk with you in this journey. All the best. Remember to take it a day at a time.