Bonga

I will be turning 26 this year. Ever since I was young I have always wanted to succeed in my professional life, I graduated in 2018 and have landed in 3 different 'stressing' jobs since then and now I want to start applying for another job especially because of the challenges we are facing at work and two I discovered that I am pregnant and thinking I should be in an ideal environment for my baby. But the thing is I am not ready for a baby or marriage .. I wanted to get my career right, do my masters then think of a family later. We've been dating and staying together with the father of my child for one year now and he is so excited about the baby and want to marry me before the baby bump starts showing as he is a Christian. He has met my parents and I have met his and they are both happy for us... We love each other but I am not ready, I feel that I haven't even discovered who I am, getting married, having a baby and not knowing myself sounds overwhelming and embarrassing... Besides I feel too young to having a baby and getting married at 26. Isn't 30+ years ideal?

Ps. I fear having an abortion it might haunt me for the rest of my life.

  Published  21st Feb 2021 at 11:52 am

You're very clear on what you want and that's commendable but deadlines set especially when one is young (most likely naive) tend to bring about unnecessary pressures that lead to people making decisions that they are likely to regret later so review those (the deadlines) or totally do away with them to avoid being unrealistic

The other thing, there's never an ideal age for one to get married though its advisable to wait till you're 25 the age at which the mindset and emotional maturity is no longer an issue

Thirdly, don't let the man pressurise you into a marriage because of his christian beliefs now that you're pregnant because if he valued them he wouldn't ask you to live with him without getting married in the first place, let him marry you because you both are ready

Lastly, you're already thinking of changing jobs for the sake of your pregnancy, seems to me that you've decided to keep the baby so don't even rethink on the abortion part , mothers too are successful professionals , so if you're really determined there's no limit to your achievements

All the best

  Published  21st Feb 2021 at 9:48 pm

Thank you

  Published  22nd Feb 2021 at 6:50 pm

Don't abort it. Readjusting your life to the baby may be easier than living a haunted life even after succeeding in your career. I'm assuming you love your man. If not, you can decline marriage and later accept coparenting.

  Published  23rd Feb 2021 at 4:57 pm

26 is very ideal my dear. Be very open to him about your feelings of anxiety about marriage & being a mom. This is a natural reaction to an unplanned pregnancy. Your support system is one many people would wish for. This child may be the blessing you never knew it could be. Your job is the thing you should change. A stressful environment makes everything seem worse than it actually is. If you are a Christian as well be confident that your love for each other and for God will help you get through it together.

  Published  

You are pregnant yet you don't want a baby!? This is really sad thing to say . Unborn child normally sense rejection or love long before they are born. You are not being fair to the unborn. Please please change and love the pregnancy since you also don't want to abort it. Because any error of ommission or commission will shape the future of your child. All the best

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