Bonga

So, Im not even sure if what I need to ask about is something I want to type here.So Im 28 and a half years old and always suspected my 'dad' isnt my real dad.This was confirmed a few days ago.I honestly dont know where to start on what I need to recollect becauce I feel like my persona all along was built on a lie both my "parents' built in my head.I was born  before my step dad(still feels so surreal calling him that )married my mom.But shes kept it a secret and lied to me for my whole life.I only found out by  mistake from a cousin who though I knew.Yes I shall be going for therapy next week to try work out all these emotions that Im feeling, but I am just wondering will the trust ever be rebuilt?Knowing someone lied to you for your whole existence (p.s my moms family thought she told me after i turned 18) I honestly just dont know if i will ever be able to trust her again.And side note my step dad and I and his family have never really had a cordial relationship, always felt like I just never belonged, plus I really dont look like anyone in my family.


Also my mums first born sister suspects my biological dad has been trying to reach out to know about me but my mom shut him off...I'm just really going through mixed emotions and need your opinions on what you would do if it were you in my shoes.

  Published  24th Feb 2019 at 11:37 pm
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Peter J. MbugaPsychologist

Hey there, thanks for sharing your story and the courage to do so coz thats what this forum is for i.e supporting each other the best we know how. I cantbegin to imagine the kind of shock you got, to know that your Dad is'nt your biological father after all these years; the negative feelings are normal in such a situation but they will subside in time. As an adult now what could help me heal faster would be to look at the positives in my life e.g what I am grateful for by having had a "father" even only as a figure in terms of providing a livelihood,security,education and identity: probably you bear his name. If you could share a little about whether your stepdad was abusive in any way e.g emotionally or physically or was it just a gut feeling that made you suspect him? How is your relationship currently with him? Is anyone treating you any differently? What are you currently doing in your life? These will help us comment in a more informed manner. Hope to hear from you and sorry for the delay in responding.    

  Published  5th Mar 2019 at 10:19 am