Bonga

I was in a relationship where the guy was very poor in communication and I understood him coz he'd gone through traumatizing events in his life since childhood till I couldn't take it anymore and decided to move on, I hadn't realized how the poor communication had affected me. So i moved on and later got into a new relationship and early into the relationship I was diagnosed with endometriosis condition and underwent surgery and all and it later started affecting me and I started withdrawing and not communicating and I even got depressed, and my guy started complaining how my communication was bad and I was feeling like he was complaining alot and not understanding what I was going through and I started feeling like I don't want to be around him anymore. Sometimes I don't even understand what I'm going through myself how do I explain to someone else what I'm feeling? I need help with communication coz it's affecting relationships around me with nearly everyone coz most of the time I don't want to be around people, I'm sometimes just sad, emotional and angry and really wanting to be by myself

  Published  28th Jun 2020 at 10:38 am

Oh my! I applaud you for the courage to communicate on this platform, even as your having a challenge communicating with those around you, especially your loved ones. The way you have expressed your thoughts and feelings in an elaborate way is commendable.

It is notable the challenges in communication emerged post-surgery. Recovering from surgery can take time and involves discomfort hence it is normal to develop feelings of sadness with the recovery. It is important to note that feelings of sadness are not the same as a depressive mood, however you have mentioned you feel depressed, are you currently undergoing any of the following; -

1.    Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.

2.    Loss of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.

3.    Are you having recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal ideation

Should you be facing any of the above symptoms over a 2 week period, it would be prudent to seek professional help from the doctor who performed the surgery or mental health specialist.

Some ways of improving the communication is by;

1.    Reviewing how you previously communicated effectively. This will assist in adopting those skills and improve on your communication.

2.    Understanding yourself; what makes you happy, what makes your sad, what you like, what you don't like, what are views on relationships. By better understanding yourself, you can express your thoughts, feelings and expressions to the person you are in a relationship with.

3.    Understanding endometriosis and the surgery. What lead to the diagnosis, what was the communication and expectation of the surgery. By having an understanding of the condition and the outcome of the surgery can also lead to effective communication.

4.    Are you currently on any medication? Knowing the side effects of your medication can assist you to understand any changes that may be taking place, which would lead you to adjust your life appropriately and communicate effectively.

The burden of broken communication in relationships should be assessed openly by both parties as both could have contributed to the ineffective communication. This would ensure that both parties accept and respect personal differences.

Please do not hesitate to reach out should you want to talk further about your feelings, thoughts, expressions. Wishing you the best.

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I was taking medication for the last 6 months of last year and they had depressing side effects coz of the hormonal imbalance. But maybe I should try and understand the condition better. Thanks

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Wambui MbuthiaUSIU Clinical Psychology Student
Yes, this is a good start, by understanding endometriosis and the side effects of the medication you are currently on. Should you feel the medication is affecting your functionality you can inform your doctor and he/she would consider readjusting the medication.

Again, thank you for reaching out and always feel welcome to share.

Have a lovely afternoon.
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