Bonga

I did not spend much time with my mum growing up and was taken to boarding school at an early age. After high school we did not get along and labelled me disrespectful. She has made everyone else believe things about me that are not true and I feel helpless because everyone believes because she is my mum. What do I do?

  Published  22nd May 2020 at 5:29 pm

How old are you now? Do you still live with your mum?

  Published  22nd May 2020 at 10:19 pm

I am in my 30's. No I don't live with her.

  Published  23rd May 2020 at 2:10 pm
Dr. Mary RunoA Specialist in Special Needs-USIU
Dear Friend,
This happens when there is some kind of misunderstanding and when communication is given half way or not given at all. Well, a parent will always be a parent and that is the best thing God has given us in this life. I do not know how old you are and of what gender, nevertheless I will suggest a few tips that may help med your relationship with your mum.
Get enough courage to ask your mum for a meeting and this would be best when she is in her best moods. Rather, when she is happy and ready to listen. Since you are the one asking for an appointment to talk to her if she shows no interest and tells you she is not ready, do not over react –rather do not show her that you are angry. Instead, tell her when she is ready you would still want talk.
While at that,change your attitude and start helping in the household chores as much as possible to a point she notices your activities. If you have siblings, help them voluntarily and with joy. In terms of respect, learn to say sorry, please and excuse me, forgive me etc. These are called the magic words because they work magic when used in all sincerity. Do not get concerned how other people feel about you, especially if it is not true even if they are relatives, just respect them and give them their space. You cannot control what other people say about you but you can control what gets to your mind. Finally if she happens to agree to meet you control your anger or any negative reaction. Please note being in a boarding school both in primary and secondary should not result to lack of attachment with your mum. She is still your mum and that time she thought she was doing her best for you. Wish you well and if you still feel you want to talk someone kindly inform us. Dr Runo

  Published  23rd May 2020 at 8:32 pm

Thanks Dr. Runo. I am in my mid 30's and don't stay with my mum. I however like the suggestion of using magic words. My mum's biggest problem is her temper when she is angry and yes we have tried talking but she keeps repeating the same things. My parents are separated and every time we have an argument she has to bring up my dad....

  Published  26th May 2020 at 2:37 pm