Bonga

Hi, I'm a young male mid 20's. Idk if I'm the only one but, I can't bring myself to cry. When I'm stressed or feeling depressed most of the time it feels like the only way to cope with it or let it out is by crying (Of which many therapists would probably recommend) but my mentality about how a man should be hinders me from doing so . I've been told by various women that I'm a misogynist or "too musculene" and I think it's affecting me. I don't want the stress to build up into suicidal thoughts, what should I do?

  Published  5th Apr 2021 at 3:52 pm

Hello Bro,

A young male over here too.

Let your emotions express themselves but not necessarily via crying. Crying is not always the solution, make an attempt of speaking with someone, that will be better. Or write it down. I also wouldn't want myself to cry over something, if the tears come well and good, if they don't do something else provided you get some light on the problem.

  Published  6th Apr 2021 at 1:10 am
JANE MAINAPRACTICUM STUDENT
Thank you young man for reaching out on the issue of repressing crying. Not crying is considered a strong masculine self-identity in many African cultures, while a crying man is labelled as being weak and not self reliant.  The society causes men to learn to repress their frustrations and  pain and not to cry. Crying  unfortunately leads to shame and humiliation.  Another reason for not crying is experiences such as abuse, abandonment, neglect and other traumatic encounters especially while one is growing up, that at times lead to hardening of  the heart and repressing crying as an adaptive mechanism in order to overcome feelings of powerlessness , helplessness and vulnerability. Repressing crying  when one needs to cry may lead to mental health problems as you have rightly pointed out.

There is no shame or weakness in crying. It is a healthy in-built response. Crying is essentially a release valve that rids your body of excess stress, tension and emotional pain. In answer to your enquiry on what to do?  Learn to be vulnerable and cry.  Find a secure and  safe place in which you will not be judge.  Journaling  your feelings also helps to release tensions.  You may also talk to a trusted friend,  mentor or a spiritual leader  about your emotions. You may also seek the aid of a therapists to help you in navigating your emotional challenges.

  Published  6th Apr 2021 at 7:19 pm
Krupa ParmarPracticum Psychology Student
Hi, I understand culturally from young age boys are told not to cry and man up !. This is what leads a boy growing up in to a man who thinks he cannot try cry. Crying is  something that comes naturally and we can not force ourselves t cry. You need to identify situations that make you feel overwhelmed and if your heart gets heavy its okay to cry out. However, if your body does not allow you to cry you need to try some other activities that will help you release your stress.
  Published  8th Apr 2021 at 10:43 am