I'm a very nervous person but very few people know or seem to know
Growing up we moved to a new town to new school to new people. We were very young, I was joining class 2. I was fluent in my mother tounge but the school was mixed and the language allowed was Kiswahili or English so that was a challenge from the start. I had a lot of trouble getting things right in class or even with other kids. I got bullied and beaten by other kids and teachers in class. Plus being the eldest child and looking after my other siblings amidst all these figuring out stuff pushed me even more into anxiety and stress.
This pattern followed me into high school too till I even changed schools. I made few friends along the way some into my adult life now. I had a girlfriend in campus but I think she left me coz I was always asking her what she wanted to do and not just being a man and leading. Looking back I think the whole shift from the start launched me into anxiety. Till today I can't say I have confidence in number of things. I may look confident but it's not a lasting confidence. Some situations I have been made to defend my loved ones but failed. I have been left scorned and embarrassed. The few times I did manage to something right I have come out nervousness and always seeking approval from others on whether I did it right.
I don't know how to break away from this state. I want to have a girlfriend, a family and stand up for myself without feeling nervous. Someone help :(
Your life story is very similar to mine bro. I struggle with anxiety
I'm sorry bro. Your story is relatable. I appear confident but deep down I'm afraid to do what I ought to do as a man. I sincerely hope that you get to breakaway. I'm trying too.
Wow.. Ok so 1st dilemma, as a firstborn there's usually pressure on you to set an example unfortunately that makes it easier to hide rather than open up. Being bullied can scar even the strongest of people coz it occurs in different forms and tactics... I'm sorry about your girlfriend but in a way its also going to push you to make he changes you need. We live in a world where you can be anything you want, anytime, anywhere....problem is most of us dont know how to be ourselves. Your voice, your opinions and your ideas are just as important and as valuable as anyone elses. What are your strengths because I'm sure you can defend the people who matter to you in different ways. Re invent yourself and only open yourself up to people who you can trust and those who can be open with you. I'm sure there's something you've gained positively and you can use that to propel yourself to where you can reach