I am a sad person. It's hard to believe how many times i have said i want to die, i dont want to be here anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I hate school. I only have fake friends. I'm such a fake person...I lie, i cheat, i hurt people, but the funny thing is everytime i do one of those things, i become more numb to the fact that they're wrong. I cut again a few weeks ago, after so long, i finally caved into the urge. I wanted to die. I wanted dissapear. It seems as if i try so hard, but nothing is ever good enough. My only faily didnt even notice my eating disorder. Im never happy. Why am i never happy? Im so lost and honestly dont think ill ever find the way back to happiness. I liked to say im okay, but im not. Oh how i pray to God to heal me, to take this pain away from me, but i still feel nothing. See depression isnt just feeling sad all the time, but its not being motivated to do all the things you once loved so much. Im so stressed out with applying to colleges. Im so scared i wont be accepted by the college i want to go to .