Bonga

I have had depression for a while now possible three years but I have personally been able to handle but Am bad with relationships and I want a girlfriend who possibly I could marry am 30 male.

when I date it doesn't last I loose interest since I fear they may disappoint too

  Published  17th Oct 2020 at 12:41 am

Hello! Thank you for sharing. Depression is a common mental health condition that is characterized by feelings of deep sadness and a lack of interest in activities you previously enjoyed. You say have had this for 3 years. This is a long time. How has it been for you? Is there something that happened that led you to developing depression? Was the condition diagnosed by a professional? Did you try to receive treatment for it? How have you been coping over this period? I notice that you have tied the depression to your ability to form and maintain a good relationship with a girlfriend whom you'd like to marry. How does it make you feel when you think like this? You also say that when you date, you loose interest and fear that you may disappoint. Some incongruence here. Do you actually lose interest in the person or does the anxiety, which frames itself as fear, probably of a failed relationship, unconsciously lead you to sabotage the relationship so that you can escape?

Given that you are suffering from depression it's important that you address this by getting help. Choosing to talk about it on this platform is a great start but I'd like to encourage you to seek therapy. It's of paramount importance that you take the time to get treatment and the support you need before getting into a relationship. You may believe the false notion that your problem will go away once you start dating and get married. But that couldn't be further from the truth because, instead, the depression will become a stumbling block in the relationships you have and cause even more problems. It's important to find the root cause for the depression, then address it so that you can be in a healthy space mentally when getting into a relationship.

You also need to deal with the fear you have of relationships, which can also be explored in therapy. What is it exactly that causes you to lose interest? What kind of a partner would you like to have? For a relationship to work, both parties have to be willing to do the work and support one another. No perfect human being exists and you must be ready to accept someone with their flaws just as they accept you with your flaws. All relationships go through turmoils and you need to be ready to be able to deal with these harmoniously with your girlfriend.

All the best.

  Published