So I might have depression, or else i'm just a stupid teenager. Once I talked to a counsellor privately, she gave me her number, told me to call her and maybe she could help me somehow, but I'm so afraid to call her because I'm afraid that starting all this would break apart my family. I'm from a very religious family, everyone thinks that we are and expects us to be happy, but I feel like I'm breaking apart. If I told my parents how I really felt, I feel like they would really judge me, and our relationship would change. I feel like starting all this counselling shit would uncover a darker side of me that might be addicted to porn, a side of me that has considered suicide. A side of me that Ive never revealed to anyone. What would my siblings who look up to me think? I feel like every friend I have is fake, like I cant trust them, but I really need someone to confide in. I'm sad, I've lost interest in practically everything, and school seriously kills every part of me, it weighs me down so much that I cut myself. I have body image issues, so much that I have self diagnosed bulimia. I look for love in all the wrong places, even on the internet where I could seriously be predated on. I want to die. I want everything to stop.

5 replies

Hang in there buddy, help is on it's way, just hang in there and don't give up. If you can hold that end I promise you, the universe will conspire to get help to you. Help is on the way.

I want to challenge you to make that step and start going for counseling give that counselor a call and book an appointment you don't have to go through all everything alone

Hey, what you feel is pretty normal when people face disappointment. We can't control other peoples behaviour, they have a choice to include us or not, appreciate us or not. Where does that leave us? Learning how to love ourselves through those moments is critical. And empowering. Little actions like rewarding yourself for overcoming an obstacle like getting out of bed will help. Positive self talk is also part of loving ourselves. You could also put a reminder on your phone to ask yourself several times during the day "What do I need right now?" And give yourself the love and attention that you think you need at that time. It could be a break from your workspace, a cup of hot chocolate, a few minutes on instagram......This will remind you that you matter. Your needs matter.You more than anyone else in the world deserves your love and attention. I think if your start with your SELF things will get easier.

mybreply might not be of so much help what what i stick to all day everyday is the fact that suicidal thoughts or death in any kinda way is never a solution to solving any problem.i fully agree with the point on your point on your family judging you because it may not be the right time to ucover everything your going just hang on and give the counsellor a call so she can advice you

I know this might be a bit late but do give the counsellor a call. Personally I've spoken to a counsellor about my own isues and my family has not had a clue. Deon't let the fear of what your family might think hold you back or prevnt you from getting the help you sorely need. Tallking about i here, vocalising what youre feeling (even if it's on an anon board) is a positive step in the right direction. Give her that call and she can also help you bring up the subject with your family if you would eventually like to. Be safe