Hello my dad is an alcoholic and he used to beat my mum when we were kids. They separated and mom went to Nairobi and later passed in 2012. During one of their fights my mum was angry and told me 'i will leave you here and you will suffer' does that has anything to do with my suffering today?
Hello! You seem to be going through a lot. Having to deal with an alcoholic dad, witnessing the violence on your mum, the divorce, your mother's death, how did all these affect you as an individual? The piercing words that your mother said to you in anger, how did that make you feel at that particular time ?You must be carrying a lot of pain mainly because of what you experienced but also because your late mother seems to have projected her pain onto you. No one was there to comfort you as a child or provide the love and support you needed and still do. It must be hard for you. I find it noteworthy that inspite of all you went through, it's those words your mother said to you that seem to be haunting you the most. I detect some fear but you also seem to have suppressed certain memories as a way of coping.
You need to see a therapist to help you unpack everything you went through. Your past experiences have shaped the person you are today and you may have developed certain traits in order to protect yourself from further pain. A therapist will help you work through all this, help you heal and help you reintergrate yourself into the person you can become. You can find peace and live a happier life.
If you can't find a therapist, email firstname.lastname@example.org
Words that come out of the mouth can be powerful.. If she meant it then yes.. If you are a Christian ask God to intervene in your life and believe you were not born to suffer in this world.
Believe and trust in your self you will make it