Bonga

I feel like dying. I have since I was around 15 or so. And the thoughts have been getting really really strong of late. I travelled for a while and was prescribed some pills for anxiety and depression which they diagnosed me with. The pills finished a week after I travelled back to Nairobi.

I got severe withdrawal symptoms but they curbed themselves with a lot of patience. I tried getting them from a chemist, but they refused. They need prescription. I am 20, and live with my parents. How can I even think of going to a therapist to get a prescription, and explain it to my parents, to whom, mental health is a taboo?

Anyways, it has been about 3 weeks since all this, and I curbed the symptoms of withdrawal from these medications and, of late (2 days ago or so) the suicidal thoughts have come back. Not that strong, but they’re back. My anxiety had even curbed but is back too. I need the medication, and don’t know what to do.

One May read this and be like, “na hii yote ilianza akiwa 15 tu?” Yes. I’ve been struggling with self acceptance and identification within myself, in regards to the fact that I am a Muslim AND gay. I’ve struggled and still struggling with this. Hence all the mess above. I don’t know what to do anymore. It just feels pointless. I haven’t even finished my education, cause there was a family emergency on my dads family side, and I had to take a break and help around.

Some days, I don’t even feel like helping out. I just feel angry and want to just leave everything and go away forever. It’s so hard and since I have a HIGH level of Social Anxiety, I have no friends to talk to about anything that goes on in my life. So I just close up and vent within myself and try my best to move on. Man. It’s hard.

2 replies

That's hell you're going through. I am very sorry. Perhaps you could try visiting more chemists. You may find one willing to sell you the drugs.

hey , so sorry to hear what you are going through , try to find help with some local lgbtq organizations where you are , or someone , I really hope it works out for you , I have been where you are , now 24 and still pushing

what are your dreams ? keep them alive and fight for them , it will get better

xo

KM