hi, i find my work environment very supportive...however it seems that i am in a relationship with a colleague that i did not sign up for. i am just so confused on how i ended up here. I have nothing but nice to her, however it seems she has taken my 'niceness' to mean  that we should be something more...yet i am married... i am know i am allowed 4 but i dont want her as part of my 4. is there anyone in such a situation? can anyone relate? what should i do? thank you.

5 replies

How about you talk with her and get things straight with her. I believe it can help

I think that its important to own your choices in this situation. Did you lead her on in any way? Did you give her the impression that you were in a relationship with her? Perhaps you could ask her these questions and apologize if you did so. You say "it seems that I am in a relationship" that implies that you are surprised by this turn of events. Perhaps you had certain expectations and this didn't turn out to be what you intended. You also say that she misinterprets your niceness. Did you set up boundaries? Its a good time to talk with her about boundaries and expectations so that everyone is clear on what is going on. Setting boundaries keeps people from doing things that offend us and keep us from being resentful.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply, let me approach and talk to her. This platform is amazing.

I think maybe her seeing you as a nice man is notyour problem.You'regenuinly nice toeveryone but she decided to call the shots for being more than a friend. Best thing as suggest, sit down and have a conversation with her because as explained above, its not your fault she fell in love. Good luck

Dont talk to her first, maybe you're misreading things. Just makes sure you treat her the same way you treat other colleagues, she will get the hint. You don't want to be that man in the office who is mistaking the kindness of ladies as love.