Bonga

I had a pretty rough childhood and Its affected me since...well it wasn't that bad and I was able to hide it and  just went with the flow you know being the good girl everyone wants me to be.But it got harder as the years went by and I couldn't continue ignoring the foreboding feeling in my gut that I was living a lie and so I guess that's When it really hit. I was fifteen at that time , that was last year and I kind of just withdrew, stopped spending time with people my grades went down so fast   and I just stopped communicating with people.During the holidays I would spend all my days in bed listening to music trying to block out the world and all the pain..the fact that my mum passed away and my dad didn't want anything to do with me just sucked a lot and I felt so worthless ...and then I was raped and that made me hate myself even more I couldn't face the world anymore and I couldn't tell anyone  about it cause  well they threatened me...and the pain just got too much and I started cutting and I can't stop..thats been my life for the past few months ..im now 16 , in form 3 at Kenya high school and I'm lost but the worst thing is that I can't tell anyone about it cause i dont trust anyone anymore...i don't know what to do, help me

  Published  18th Aug 2018 at 10:26 am

Hi. Sorry for the loss of your mum and the subsequent loss of your innocence. I can only imagine the pain you are going through. From your story, it sounds like the person/s who defiled you are known to you. Psychotherapy would be a good place to start. Do you currently live with your dad? What do you do over the school holidays? What's your favourite pass time? And most importantly how have you been dealing with the pain, and the feeling of being lost?

  Published  18th Aug 2018 at 10:36 am

Hey my dear, sorry for your loss. I may not know exactly how you feel but I feel like I've been there before. I was also in Boma, but the fact that you even talked about the defilement means that you're more strong than you think. Please don't give up. Just look for someone, older and perhaps female, it can be a teacher you relate well with or even someone who you see as a parent figure and talk to them. They can help you seek the help you need. We also have a forum for ex bomarians and I'm sure there's a professional who can assist you. Remember we love you!!!

  Published  18th Aug 2018 at 12:07 pm

Hey I'm really sorry for what you've been through and I know that people will tell you they know how you feel and understand and the truth is, that's a lie nobody knows what it feels like they could come close but nope nobody knows what's its like. But even after all that pain and loss here you are not given up yet still fighting for tomorrow even though you don't know that yet but you still are. So here's what I've got for you, fight fight hard and and relentlessly to take back your life and not give in to fear for who knows what tomorrow brings. Don't let these problems take you out for you've come this far to give up. Show the world and life that nothing can bring you down. You're practically halfway done with part of your life so finish it. And keep going on till you can look and say I made it and I deserve to be here

  Published  18th Aug 2018 at 7:17 pm