What do you do when you still love the person who hurt you? Who broke you into so many tiny pieces and they don't even know it?
You continue living your life, normally. You still call like everything is okay. Sometimes I feel like you're messing with my head. But I don't want to be the crazy jealous ex girlfriend. I can remember those nights when you forced yourself on me. I can still feel your hands even after 5 fucking years, I can still feel them. when I see you with other girls, I don't fear for them, I envy them... I'm so confused and hurt that you could do this to me, to us. was there anything I ever did wrong? Did I deserve all this shit? I still think of you everyday. Why?? I haven't been able to date any other guys. You stole something from me that I can't find anywhere else... I want to die but I can't and it's scary that I'll live my life like this forever... I just want to go back in time... and never meet you...
I'm so sorry. You can write down every bad thing he did to you and read them whenever the thought of him crosses your mind. Please don't die. Find therapy if you can.
Pain is like an aphrodisiac if not checked.. When you're torn and broken, there's crossroads right in front of you. One leads to healing and one leads to devastation. The only thing you need to focus on is healing. Its not going to be an easy road but its one you're going to have to want... All the time he forced himself on you wasn't because of something you did or something you didn't, it was all on him, a decision he made that was not right. You're still reeling when you see him with other women because despite the bad there was also good memories and times there. Only you know the dynamics of your relationship with each other.. Do things that will make you happy n make you smile...take a vacation/staycation. Find a hobby and do something different. Divert your attention, you're stronger han you gie yourself credit for.