Bonga

I was thinking of calling it quits-our marriage of two years with two kids but on second thought I think my wife has got serious metal issues which she has been suppressing for years. She opened up to me yesterday that she is a rape victim and that's how she got our first kid. I know she needs professional help which she thinks she doesn't. I also need help on how to cope up with her. Lately we have been having incessant quarrels .She is also very insecure,manipulative, controlling, nagging and very temperamental. Anajaribu kunipimia maisha. She even wants to choose friends for me.

Tulijuana about 8 years ago though we were on and off. During one of the off moments ndio alikuwa raped. She also keeps bring up my past like how I cheated on her with multiple women yet were not even married then. I was in other relationships when were not together but since we got married I have never been intimate with any other woman apart from her which she refuses to accept. Whenever I get home late hata kama ni na 10 min she will claim I was still at my whores place. Mimi 7pm haijawai nipata nje na weekends tuko na yeye kwa nyumba always simu ni kabambe no whatsapp yet she keeps calling me malaya. She also blames me for all her misfortunes including the rape, a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy which was detected a week on her arrival in these gulf country for a job(this period was hell for the both of us she almost died there and stress almost killed me on this other side). She is very quick to claim she will kill herself which is my biggest scare because I cant count the number of times she has said this. Yesterday we had grotesque physical confrontation and she wielded a knight and I had to restrain her because I can never fight a woman. I just need help with the situation since there is just so much happening and it also very energy draining confusing stressful

4 replies

Jesus Christ! I'm so sorry you are going through this. However, from what's you've written, your wife needs to heal because she's emotionally abusive. Please walk with her......bonga guys, why haven't you contacted this guy since 19th july aki

First I appreciate your counsel. At least someone cares! Bonga people its very unfortunate someone can dig in too deep and let go of his ego to share very personal matters with the hope of getting professional advice/help only to be treated like chopped liver.

I am never giving up on my wife! I know who my she is. Its only the unfortunate circumstances she went through that have changed her but gradually we will get there baby steps. I just need help on the right path to follow to get my wife back on the right head space and deal with the trauma and other related issues.

I was there years ago. physical fights hazikua though. I now realized I needed mental checkup but back then I thought I was okay. The guy struggled to understand me. I am also a rape victim although it happened about 8 years ago. At this point I don't think much about it. All I can say is for me it was all about being insecure, and having no life to go back to once you get divorced or dumped. I always wanted to know where he is, I became the reason he stopped hanging out with his friends. Right now when I look back, I am not proud of who I was. The worst part is I did not know I was hurting him. I only considered my feelings. And he didn't open up to me until a year or 2 later when there was the real scare of us breaking up. We were living together but I had to move out to atleast stop obsessing about him. It was a real struggle. But we are here now, 5 years after I took a chance in myself and tried to change. We now have a family. At this point, share that with her, see if she can see it from your perspective.

Its overwhelming to hear from someone who understands what I am going through. I have tried to do that so many times. She is very confrontational in almost every aspect. Right now I am not sure even if our marriage is there any more in as much I am holding on