Bonga

2022 looking for a friend , I'm 21 so quite naive . In campus but hate it . Nothing exciting ever happened in my life , don't know how to swim, quiet with no friends,never learnt how to ride a bike, always anxious, plus nakuanga mwoga.

Yap that's my life .

15 replies

I might be wrong about this...but you have symptoms like mine, for only child syndrome. Yes, I know that was a bad joke, if it can be considered one, but I had to start to write something. You don't know me, but you can call me W.

Consider me a listener...maybe we'll graduate from there as time goes by and you feel comfortable enough to go on with advice you will get from people like me who also have trouble with people. Yes, I also have trouble fitting in with people sometimes beacuse I like my space, and mostly because I can't match with their energy. I am sure you have your own energy that gives you your glow, and that's a good thing... especially that you are young. You have time to do what you want and try out even more things that will be of comfort to you. You will like and dislike what you do, say, experience, see, hear, argue, laugh about, cry about, touch, feel...you get my point. The one thing is to start...just start... it's always that first small insignificant step that you take that makes it a walk or a sprint. You just have to know when to take it. And the best part about it is that you are in a place where you will meet and interact with everyone...and I mean everyone. Campus is a very different marketplace because now you are not enclosed. You've been let out into the world, on your own. I know it will be scary...but scary can be good for trying new things...you just have to take it slow and steady. The rest will follow...

what college are you in?

One more thing...

If you are a fan of cartoons...I would want to recommend that a Japanese anime called "Komi Has a Communication Disorder"...It about a girl trying to reach a target of reaching a certain number of friends but is very shy and closed off like you. I am not saying that you being a quiet person is a disorder...it's just you don't have many avenues of expression. Hopefully, you will buy it and watch it and learn from it some lessons and maybe apply them in the real, not animation world. It's a really nice, wholesome show to watch, and if you won't like it... that's fine too...we can figure out other things for you to try in order to get rid of the anxieties you have...

Oh, and uh, I don't if you can multitask but I'd recommend the English subtitles version of it. There's also a dub version, but the exclamations and expression in Japanese makes it funnier...

W

I am not in college...

I am just like you...in need of help, and giving an ear to anyone who wants to be heard...

But I have experienced what you are going through...it took a really long time to settle in such a new environment but it got better...

It gets better...

Thanks guys

I'm in Jkuat

Cool to know there are others like me

I really needed that

I'm not an only child though , I have a big siz but we never really connected she never understood me. She's the popular girl who likes partying....etc and I'm the opposite.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing on a lot in life , connecting with people ..etc but I'm very introverted so always in conflict with my inner self.

I'm an INFJ in the personality types

So, like I said...I was wrong about my only child theory. But the rest still applies. Start with what you can control. Forget the whole personality test for a bit and find your niche. Only you know your likes and dislikes. Pro/con yourself and do the things that you are comfortable with, and learn to deal with those that are hard to do, step by step. Try to take a small challenge that you will accomplish as victory, and the rest will flow. List all the things you want to do, and do one thing after another, and tick it when you do it and learn from it.

Talk to yourself once in a while...it helps. Don't be too rash in your decision making. Remember, slow and steady.

Oh, and you are not your sister. Yes, you are blood related, but you are not her. Sure she has her own of doing things, so find yours. Don't copy paste. Try to engage with her in both of your quirks and note the differences in your likes and dislikes, but don't be forceful. You will not like the same things, but there will be a middle ground for both of you. Talk to her and be there for each other if any shit happens. Ask her to take you to some of these parties that she goes to, if you want to go. But be careful. I know a new environment will be scary, but you will be trying something new. Look for any and all possibilities if anything goes down so that you can be safe. If you don't like it and feel uncomfortable, let your sister know ASAP. Yes, it might ruin the night, for her especially judging from your description of her, but if she cares about you, the both of you having fun together is not one of the bad ways to get closer to each other, don't you think...?

W

Thanks again but me and my siz I'd rather leave it as it is. She's one to take advantage of someone's kindness.

Other than that I really like your advice , I might start a to do list and try to check off a few things by myself. Thanks . If you want we could be friends you know, if not thanks for the advice

JKUAT...

Okay, fair enough. Just remember, if shite comes to shite...and I mean real shite, hopefully, she will be a guiding light for you when you need her to be. She's your sister after all, so I'm guessing hopefully she'll be there for you. If not, this space is where you have an ear to listen to and advise to help a little ways down the road...

I'd like to be a your friend. But I have this fear that I will be a problem for you. I am going through a lot of shit myself. Truth is, I come here to see what others are going through because, and I feel bad for saying this, I am slightly relieved that I am not alone. Majority of my life I have been alone and I have gotten comfortable in my cocoon that sometimes I feel to let anyone into it is to disturb my force(nerd reference). Like you, I do some bouts of anxiety and fear, but I just put on a smile, and try to help others so that I can forget that I don't need help. It's depressing, but I have to power through it, because maybe things will get better once I change my own outlook on how I view,, basically life in general. There are I want to understand, but I can't. I can't control them, and I can't change them. I don't want to know things, but I also have to to move with the current world that I live in. I am not a mess but I want to explore. The advice I gave you was a trial and error thing, but I am glad that I can, in any capacity, give you my two cents so that you can power through and wake up looking forward to enjoying the little things...

So my answer is yes, I'd like to be your friend too...but if you read the second part and you feel that I might complicate your life, I will just stick to this platform and give you an ear whenever I can. If you still want a friend, come here tomorrow and I will post be number.

W(not to be confused with another W I have seen)

*explode

*Original W

Hey thanks again and of course I'd like you to be my friend,

I'm also a loner so we may have something to share .

Dropping your number might be risky just drop your email

original W i like that

Okay JKUAT...

wnthaprince3@gmail.com

When you can, give me a shout...