Bonga

My daughter recently came out to me and told me she is gay. We had a long talk and I assured her of my uncondtional love and support. It meant alot to her and she was happy and she cried tears of joy. Thing is I dont know if she is 100% sure that she is actually gay or notorifshe is going through a phase in her life,or if its me who is in denial. I always had dreams of her getting married to man ofcourse and raising a family. As a parent I feel lost and alone and I dont know who talk to about this. Is there a support group for parents of gay children.

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It must be hard for your to disclose this information to anyone. We all aware that LGBT is discriminated against by many, I am sure your support for your daughter made her day. It is okay for you to feel lost and concerned for her, it is only normal for you to feel the way you are feeling after hearing this from her. And I totally understand why you want to look for support groups, the sense of not alone in this will definitely comfort you.  Why don’t you talk to your daughter about this? She is part of the society and she may be aware of the resources out there. And this open communication will help you understand more about her too. Maybe this is just a phase or maybe this is her life style choice, she will slowly let you in more, and you can be the support that she needs whichever way she has chosen for herself. 
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Patrick ObelSenior Counselor at USIU Africa
It must be quite disturbing for you to discover that your own child is different from your expectation. However, you are in a better place because you have been informed by your own daughter about her sexual orientation.

I want to begin by observing that you have not indicated the age of your daughter but I guess she is a teenager if I got you right on developmental phase of life.

The issue of sexual orientation is not really a new thing, but something that has been with us for some time. It is only that, more people are becoming bold to talk about it these days. Gay is a term used for male that has a desire towards other males, and for the female have sexual desire towards female is Lesbian. So your daughter is claiming to be lesbian.

Biological View:
There are different views as to why a female would become lesbian, for example there are those who argue that it could be biological as a result of hormones, suggesting that your daughter may be having more testosterone than necessary hence making her male-like, instead of having more estrogen and progesterone which are responsible for female functions.

Socialization views:
There is also an argument that sexual orientation is a product of socialization. For example, a child may be introduced to this way of life by others' influence. Others also think that it could be as a result of a child going through sexual abuse by a male, hence making a her to hate any relationship with any man both now and in the future. In an effort to keep away from such possibility occurring, the girl may opt to relate with other females sexually. Others also argue that children who observe their mothers abused by a man may also choose not to engage with a man because she gets to believe that all men are abusive and she chooses not to go through that herself. 

There could be other reasons why a girl may become a lesbian. I commend you for supporting your daughter, however, you should lovingly ask her what she means by her claim. If it is a misinformation that she has you could help correct it. If it is biological, this could receive a biological treatment by her receiving hormonal treatment. If it is a choice that she has made for whatever reason, you will be in a place to understand where she is coming from. 

It is not fair to condemn or discriminate her simply because of having a different sexual orientation from what you expected. You can respectfully share with her your concerns and fears in as much as you are ready to support her in her choices. The fact that she has been able to share this with you means that she trusts you and therefore you can also respectfully engage her. 

About support group, it may be difficult to identify that because this is illegal here in Kenya. However, you could work with your daughter to introduce you to her friends who in turn could help you access their parents.  
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