i need help with my social life, i am high up on the offense when i feel under attack. i have anger issues i have never know kindness or being sensitive to other people. i am beginning to think that it is because with my father being always verbally abusive sometimes physically on my mom and sisters made me live life as a survivor . then i realise some people are soo different, they need a calm conversation but in an argument or accusation, i get very angry, mindless talking and rude i end up hurting the people that once helped me when i had difficulties. i am 27 and i am afraid because of the way i am i cannot make friends and i hurt people and it could get worse. i also feel like i lost all the little joy, kindness and happiness when i lost my niece to suicide in 2017. she was my everything, with her , my life was complete i did not need anyone else and my world fell apart when i lost her.i have never been able to grief and really move on since i was eager to see her off to college and be there for her as she grew into an amazing person. she was the light to my soul and now its just darkness i felt depressed and worthless and now my social life is a big mess and the fact that it hurts people i care about hurts me.
Now hold up!!! Taking out your angervon other people is you looking for an excuse to your bad behavior n you know that too. Sorry about hour niece but that's a misconception tight there. No one is created half or incomplete, you are and individual (complete all on your own) your niece may have completed you coz you had a bond and you were close. Life is 10%what happens to you n 90% your reaction to it. Life is like the weather. Unfair to everyone... Just coz we've gotten to the point where it's so easy to pretend n sugarcoat n edit life just to please other people I think its absurd that we use society standards to live life. You have daddy issues .. Heads up everyone has daddy issues, you either take the path of least resistance n follow the same pattern ( which you currently are or swim against the current, choose to be different, choose to think n listen more. Put in check the things that can "trigger" you. And finally guest what, your dad isn't responsible for who you are now, you are.. The small decisions you make everyday, the conversations you have, the things you think about... Those are like a trail you're on
Get out of your comfort zone, try yo do n be different
What have you got to loose
Hey, I get where you are coming from. Our upbringing does indeed play a major role in how we socialize, and coming from a place where abuse was normalized, I get how it has become part of how you relate to people.
I'm sorry about the loss of your niece. I know how close that bond can be and I can't imagine the pain you are going through. I can't offer you grief counselling, but I do recommend that you seek out someone who can help you get through that loss.
In regard to your anger issues, you may need to take a step back and find out what the triggers are and maybe evaluate why you choose to react how you do. Finally, ask yourself if the consequences are worth it. The fact is, the world is going to try and drive you to madness everyday, you just need to find the little things that help you get by. If you feel that it's too much for you to handle on your own, try and reach out to a professional to help out. Coming here and opening up was the first step and believe me, that took courage.
I work in a high stress environment and sometimes I want to blow up too and cuss people out. It took some effort to find things that help me calm down and respond constructively. For instance, I love animals, so when I feel like I want to snap, I go outside and pet the dogs in the compound for a while.
As you work on finding ways to cope with that anger, look up little ways to help you cope in the meantime. Take it one step at a time and you'll be alright.
I hope this helps...