Bonga

Do people get paranoid everytime they have unprotected sex?for fear for hiv?i had unprotected sex 5weeks ago with someone i didn't know well and it has stressed me so much,i fear to test,i have never done that,i have not had any signs so far but I don't know why I'm this scared of the disease.. does anyone feel this way atimes or just me?

3 replies

Yes. The answer is yes to the questions. Yes, people get paranoid because they have unprotected sex, but they won't show it. Sure they'll brag and feel good about themselves, that they fucked her and/or him. Sure they'll reply the events and put it down as one of their best memory lays. And yes, they will remember for all time, even with significant others. But, they'll be afraid. They will be very afraid and remember about "mdudu" (old slang term used by Nonini, I think). Yes, they fear HIV. It's one of the worst pains you can receive from so much pleasure. I recently asked majority of women I know why they don't like condoms and the answer is because, "si tamu ukitumia cd". There is only one person I know that religiously insist that if there's no cd, better wait for her to sleep and use your fucking hand because you ain't getting any. It's not just you. Everybody, everybody fears something, but these days, I think people fear getting pregnant more than STIs and HIV, because there are treatments, and clinics, and birth control and, and there is this hub called the internet, you get what I'm saying?

It's not just you. It's that people don't say it loud. They are afraid of being shunned or judged, which we, as humans, do pretty well across everything. Don't get me wrong, there are some things out there that people do that are shitty, inexcusable, downright just wrong, and yes, those things are just idiotic and plain stupid. But it's their mess. And their heavenly beings. Sometimes I think people should be able to do, and think, and fuck whoever they want. But it's on them. They shouldn't be treated too harshly because, after all, it's their life, and they alone should be the judge of their character.

Look: Sometimes I think God is an asshole. He gives us candy, he gives us bad teeth. He gives alcohol, too much of it, you get cirrhosis. He gives a brain to process info, too much of it and you become disoriented and you become a conspiracy theorist and you are in shit. He gives us sex, something so pleasurable, then gives us diseases. I mean what the fuck? Seriously, I mean if we are not meant to enjoy these, then why give us then? But then, why do we just take?

Point is: everybody fears HIV. But because there are drugs to combat it, and majority of us seem to have forgotten about it doesn't mean it's not out there. Yes, there maybe might be bigger epidemics that were are facing right now, but it doesn't we should let our guard down. With the person you had sex with, both your lives matter. It may have been a slip of the moment, but it's making you feel afraid. Don't be. HIV is not the end, as we've seen through out the years, especially the past two. Even if you do have it, good thing is that there are drugs to help you live longer. You sex life might change, sure, but at least you'll get to live. You'll have a different outlook and perspective on things and you'll appreciate that you came to a safe place to address a fear that hopefully, after this long rant I have shared with you, you will overcome and face with bravery the second chance that you will be given. The drugs will help you in the long term.

On the other hand, if you don't have HIV and/or an STI(s), don't go be too giddy and go celebrate on the next dick or pussy that you encounter. Take a step back. Pause a bit. Be thankful that you have another lease on life and just a bit, think a head next time. No matter how "tamu" it is, the are other ways to have fun. Yes, okay, sex is a wonderful thing, but if you don't want to be a daddy or mommy too soon, and if you don't want to be scratching your balls all the time (if you're a guy), for future reference, carrying a condom is nothing to be ashamed of. Sawa utaitwa "kadinya" and a player and what not, but just remember, it's all about you having safe, fun, and memorable-worthy sex.😘😘

One more thing, this will be hard but you might have to go alone. Remember what I said about judgement? You might go with a relative, and/or parent, and/or friend, and/or co-worker. Hell, I might even advise you to pay a stranger just so that you don't feel and/or be alone. But in the end, consequences or not, only you will know how best to deal with the outcome. Of course, you will undergo counseling and you will be given drugs and other necessary important things, positive or not, but it will only be for you. You is what matters now. You can only go to get tested so that you know what step to take. I won't sugarcoat it, the scary part is usually the waiting, that is if you aren't afraid of needles. Other than that, I like testing myself, proudly in fact, because I know that there will be a support structure in case I ever will need it, just like you will have here, whatever the outcome. It will be okay. Just take that step towards a hospital or clinic, wherever you may be and get your status on. Or, buy the at home kit if you don't feel comfy around a prying eye. That's a lot better than somewhere public, if you think you'll be uncomfortable. Just have someone with you to be your support, and if it all goes well, or if it does not, I, a Bongamate will be here to help. Your partner will also need to be tested too, and later you will both need to have a talk about safety and all, but I am sure you'll be alright.

It will be okay.

*O/U W