Hello i learnt of the website via a radio station . I have something to share I have faced bullying both socially and verbally as a child .this led me to recent my childhood not only was I bullied I faced discrimination .I was segregated due to my Cultural background , religious practices and the colour of my skin. Moreover I was body shamed as a kid this happened every I would go for my swimming practices Alhamdullilah I still swim because I released my negative energy and convert it into something that I love.
I also had the worst upbringing in a way I felt that my younger sibling was always favoured while I was always criticized and yes battered. Every time I open up to my mother that I faced all this problems in school I would feel that she always brush it off and at times she would even punish me for a something minute for instance my slow eating habit I remember the time I was paraded out of the estate and taken to the stage at the age of 10 and it was around 8:30 PM I prayed that I would get out of the household well the Almighty answered to my prayers I got a sports scholarship at one of the most prestigious schools I thought that my problems were over how wrong was I went to one of international competitions in SA and instead of my mother appreciating my results she starts criticising me
And my boarding life was an agonizing experience like imagine at the age of 11 you faint and the doctor diagnosed me with stress and he said If I didn't take care I would get depression, hbp or Diabetes or I would be mentally ill ... I did try my best to avoid a toxic environment but my efforts were proven to be futile facing again bullying,discrimination,body shaming from students and feeling the hate from the teachers affected my grades but I passed in my KCPE exams but my mother didn't appreciate my results 🤦♀️ so missed form 1 and started my high school in form 2 and I said that I'll change like if someone crossed my path owh I would like beat them I did that In primary school as well as in high school and would get suspended or my parents would be called by the schools disciplinary committee . High school was better than primary school I felt like people were more welcoming .I was free with my Father because he would understand were I came from and he would help me unfortunately he passed on 15 days after my birthday well I learnt how to live with my pain but my relationship between my mothers and I is hanging by the thread all I'll get is more criticism and abuse such as valueless having low retention power .due to my past I love to be alone and knit also work as a part time coach while pursuing my studies .and I'm afraid to meet the new people especially mothers. At times I doubt myself in so many ways like my potential and my achievements
And I personally had goals to achieve in my sport but some how things didn't go as planned and this always gets me thinking where did I go wrong. Most of the time I feel afraid of trying new opportunities. Also I'll admit i have sometimes have suicidal thoughts when I feel that I pray or I go to the pool or I knit. I feel that I have to conclude, have a good night and thanks for reading my story.
Man, that's a lot, and seeing that you're still here and have figured out what's therapeutic for your well being that's a huge achievement!
Keep at it and don't let anything make you do otherwise cause you've come to far to loose it all
I think you are amazing.
Please also make sure you proactively take care of your mental health. Try to avoid situations or people that provoke negative emotions from you. This is very important. I can imagine all those years of emotional abuse would have affected your brain chemistry so don't let it get worse. One way to restore chemical balance is to exercise regularly. Four times a week if you can. It will help with the release of endorphins. I see you are already in fitness so you might already have that part covered.
Don't doubt your potential. Coz no one would ever genuinely believe in you more than you believe in yourself. Sometimes the inner voice we use to talk to ourselves can really be brutal to ourselves. You need to check that and be more gentle to yourself. Talk to yourself like you are a baby and be kind and nice and polite and gentle to yourself like you are a valuable person. And never ever accept anyone to talk badly at you regardless of who they are.
Anyway, put some positive energy out and make some intentions and be very optimist and I believe good things will start to happen for you.