Bonga

I have been married for 10years. 7 of those years I have come across flirtatious texts and massages from m my partner  to other people.  I have NO trust in this relarionship.  The only thing keeping me in this marriage is my daughter.  For the past year I have turned to alcohol as my solace. This is because my partner is not happy with me going out or having friends. 

More to that, my job has been stressful.  I have a colleague who is dealing with a victim mentality and I wind up picking his slack. I even tried taking leave for a couple of days and the result was endless calls, texts and emails from my boss.  Every time I see her call and texts my heart sinks. 

I am  tired and I need help!!!

  Published  17th Feb 2019 at 8:46 pm
A
AdrianChiromo Lane Medical Centre - Psychologist

Hi. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of stress coming from your work environment and relationship and it is overwhelming you. This is causing you to turn to alcohol as a coping strategy. 

 

If you're willing to further discuss this, kindly contact us at 0700 779 704 and book an appointment so that we can discuss more on how you can cope. This would also allow us to learn more so that we can assist you better. 

  Published  18th Feb 2019 at 12:20 pm

First, If you have an issue with your hubby, the best way is to communicate your worries to him, talk to him, tell him you know what he is doing and it makes you unhappy, if he loves you he will not do anything to hurt your feelings, he will stop. if he doesn't show any signs of stopping after your talk then he is just not into that relationship and it is time to walk. turning into alcohol for solace, is not the way out, it just makes you high for the moment and when you get sobber, the problem will still be waiting for you to return, so you will always want to be high, and that will lead to addiction, and that will be a new problem born out of you problem,  and while at it, always remember to pray for you, your daughter and your hubby. sometimes prayers and  time heal  the wounds of the heart.

Staying in the marriage because of your daughter, is not reason enough. She will not be happy to know that she made you stay in an unhappy marriage, and with my experiance, growing up in an unhappy marriage, she will have issues with herself in future, if not self esteem, then it will be men problems because she will be looking at men and thinking about how unhappy your man, her first man treated you, and at some point you may start hating her too, because she is the one making you suffer and stay in that marriage.  

Finally, for your friend with a mental issue, I think it will be hard to help her, if you, are not mentally stable yourself. My advice will be to introduce your friend to this forum, or to advice her to get proffessional help. But for now, I think you need to sort out your issues before taking up anyone elses issues, you might get mental issues yourself. 


  Published  18th Feb 2019 at 12:46 pm

Thank you all for the responses. 

Adrian, I will be in touch before the end of the week.

  Published  19th Feb 2019 at 4:32 pm

Take a deep breath and know that your strong. Always know that God cannot present anything to you that you are not capable of handling.. 

I know alcohol is a good solace to stress, i know coz I have been there and sorry to say I am still there, but it will never take the pain away, or make things better.

I advice you to communicate to your partner about what is bothering you about his behaviour. N i believe you also need to look in the mirror too because you are not perfect either... take the brave foot forward and confront the situation as it is.. If there is no change after sometime. i think it is best to call it quits.. You werent born to be unhappy and no one should be the reason that drives you to drinking.. you are special like everyone else.

  Published  20th Feb 2019 at 7:27 am

Can anyone respond here?

  Published  20th Feb 2019 at 11:35 am

One day you will die.

You don't have forever.

Ask yourself, do you have an alternantive? Is the alternative better?

If  no, push through the pain and work out your puzzle.

If yes, take it. 

  Published  22nd Feb 2019 at 11:09 am

tbh I was in the same situation about 4 months ago.Truth is if you drop down and die of a stress related illness today, your job will continue tomorrow as if you never were there.I was hospitalized for depression in 2017 for 2 weeks and was in and out of hospital due to stress related illnesses every week after that until I realized, no amount of money in the world could buy my health back.It just was not worth me losing myself again due to the job.I am in no way advocating for you to walk out of your place of employment unless your sure your savings can last you 6months to 1 year before you get another job, but all I'm saying is its not worth losing your health /life trying to keep a job.The world still needs you here, that organization will not stop because you're not there.Love yourself, prioritize your health because you matter more than you can imagine.

As for the marriage, my step dad and mom are well into a divorce after 21 years of marriage, I'm almost 30.Kids do not sustain a marriage, they grow up and move out and start they're won lives without you being the main character in the script.If there was no love to begin with, after they're gone, there's basically nothing to hold on to.Happy  moms make/nuture happy babies.Keep you happy, believe me thats the number one thing your kids need.

Love and Light,

N. 

  Published  24th Feb 2019 at 11:20 pm